How and why you should make self love a priority after marriage and children.

‘Self love’ or ‘self care’… although the word self is related to ones’ own identity but sometimes its good to be selfish. Sometimes self love is the only way to find yourself when you feel lost and unmotivated. Apart from grooming yourself physically, self care changes you mentally. Now the question is ,why am I giving stress to this process? Well, the answer lies within ourselves. As a woman i can totally relate that how we sacrifice our desires and sometimes needs just to make people around us happy. So is it wrong? No, absolutely not. According to moral values a happy personality emerges from a happy surrounding but to achieve that state you have to search for your inner peace and happiness. The process of ignoring yourself is not at all a sudden process. Over the years we have seen that the women in our families starting from ‘mothers’ to ‘mother-in-laws’, the patriarchal society has taught them to take care of everyone but not themselves. We as a women always have a constant fear of being judged by the family members and society. Just to set an ideal example for others we become over conscious about what others would say. We keep ourselves lowest on the priority list because of constant comparison with others, fear of making mistakes, fear of what others would say ,hide our pains and sorrows. It all just lowers your self esteem. A low self esteem will lead to negative thoughts which in turn would create high anxiety, performance pressure, fear of failure and ultimately self blame. Never overvalue what others think about you. If you are doing something you always don't need an approval certificate from others. A famous song says “kuch to log kahenge, logon ka cam hai kehna” so its better to value yourself rather than giving much importance to others. People depreciate themselves just because they make small mistakes. You cannot make everyone happy at a time so instead of amusing and entertaining others love yourself first. If you know who you are, you can be the ‘game changer’ of your life. Self love raises self confidence so appreciate your accomplishments, success, achievements and don't ever feel guilty about putting yourself first.  Follow your heart and start doing what you actually enjoy. Talk to the people who actually love you, dance with  your partner for no reason, try cooking as a stress buster, talk to a child, listen to relaxing music, pamper yourself, eat healthy, go for a walk in a park and enjoy the beauty of nature, give yourself some ‘me time’. Set small goals to achieve a big target and soon you will realise that the journey is more beautiful than destination.

- By Richa Mishra Pandey